I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
