I wish I only lived at night.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
