the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
