I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
