You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
