Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
