Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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