sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
