if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
