I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
