i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
thus making me awesome and them whores
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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