lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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