I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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