Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
