it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
