I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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