The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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