i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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