I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
soo... how was my night?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize