it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I enjoy the company of your penis
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
