it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I think I won the penis lottery.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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