final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
