...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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