I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
