either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
