Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
