Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize