I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I look better un-naked...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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