My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
