OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
