No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
