too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
