i think my tv is drunk
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
