Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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