I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
