I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
