I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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