And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
