I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i believe in u and ur pee
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