I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize