Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
