we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
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