You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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