have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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