I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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