So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
