i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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