i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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