So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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