How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Randomize
