So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
