"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
We're facebook friends in real life
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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