If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
