I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
